Managing Big Emotions: Strategies for Kids and Parents
Children experience big emotions just like adults, but they don’t always have the words or skills to express them in a healthy way. As a parent, you may have seen your child overwhelmed by frustration, anxiety, or sadness—sometimes leading to meltdowns, outbursts, or withdrawal. The good news is that emotional regulation is a skill that can be taught and strengthened over time.
In this post, we’ll explore ways to help children manage their emotions, as well as the importance of co-regulation—the process of helping your child feel safe and supported in their feelings before they can regulate independently.
Understanding Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is a child’s ability to recognize, process, and manage their feelings in a healthy way. This skill develops gradually with guidance from caregivers and safe adults. When children struggle to regulate, they might:
Have difficulty calming down after getting upset
Express frustration through aggressive or defiant behavior
Withdraw or shut down emotionally
Struggle with transitions or unexpected changes
Helping children learn to regulate their emotions starts with co-regulation, where you model and guide them through their feelings.
Co-Regulation: The Foundation for Emotional Growth
Co-regulation happens when a child relies on a calm and supportive caregiver to help them navigate big emotions. Before expecting a child to self-soothe, they need to feel safe, seen, and understood.
How Parents Can Co-Regulate
Stay Grounded – Your child takes cues from you. If you react with frustration, they will too. Model being grounded through deep breaths, a soft voice, and relaxed body language.
Validate Their Feelings – Instead of dismissing their emotions, acknowledge them. Try:
“I see that you’re really upset. That makes sense—this is hard.”
“It’s okay to feel mad. Let’s figure out what we can do about it.”
Offer Comfort, Not Control – Sometimes, kids don’t need immediate solutions. They just need to be held, given space, or reassured with simple words like, “I’m here with you.”
Use Your Own Regulation Skills – Engage in self-regulation strategies before trying to help your child. Take a deep breath, count to five, or check in with your own emotions before responding.
Helping Kids Build Their Own Regulation Toolbox
Once children feel safe and supported through co-regulation, they can begin developing their own emotional regulation skills. Here are some strategies to help:
1. Name the Emotion
Helping children label their feelings increases emotional awareness. Use phrases like:
“It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because your block tower fell over.”
“I wonder if you’re feeling nervous about the new school today.”
Using emotion charts or books about feelings can also be helpful.
2. Teach Breathing Techniques
Deep breathing helps calm the nervous system. Try:
“Balloon Breaths” – Inhale deeply as if blowing up a balloon, then exhale slowly.
“Smell the Flower, Blow Out the Candle” – Inhale like smelling a flower, exhale like blowing out a candle.
3. Use Movement to Release Energy
Sometimes big emotions get stuck in the body. Encourage movement-based regulation, such as:
Jumping jacks or a dance break
Running outside or climbing
Using a weighted blanket or deep pressure squeezes
4. Create a Calm-Down Space
Having a quiet, cozy spot with pillows, stuffed animals, or sensory items can help kids reset when overwhelmed. This is not a punishment space, but a safe retreat.
5. Use Visual or Sensory Tools
Some kids benefit from tangible tools to regulate, such as:
Fidget toys or stress balls
Sensory bins with rice or sand
A feelings thermometer to rate their emotions
6. Model & Practice Coping Strategies
Teaching regulation skills during calm moments is key. Role-play scenarios, read books about emotions, and practice skills like problem-solving when emotions aren’t high.
Final Thoughts
Big emotions aren’t bad emotions—they’re simply part of being human. When children struggle with regulation, they need connection before correction. By staying present, offering co-regulation, and teaching calming techniques, you are helping your child build lifelong emotional resilience.
If your child continues to struggle with overwhelming emotions, therapy—especially play therapy—can provide a safe space to explore feelings and build regulation skills.
Would you like personalized support for your child? Contact me to learn more about how therapy can help!